- As someone prone to being clumsy, I jumped at the opportunity to attend Beaumont Etiquette's "The Duchess Effect" course, taught by the company's founder Myka Meier.
- The course, held at The Plaza Hotel's Palm Court, covered formal dining, waving like a duchess, getting out of cars politely, and more.
- Naturally, Meier referred to Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle's etiquette throughout the class.
- I struggled with some of the tasks, like sipping wine from the same place on the glass so as not to make a mess with lipstick marks, but overall I walked away with some helpful advice.
- While a two-hour class does not a duchess make, I learned some valuable tips that made me feel more sophisticated and put-together.
It's a running joke in my family that I have the grace of an elephant.
When I was Princess Charlotte's age — and living not far from Prince Charles' residence at Highgrove House in Tetbury, a small town in Gloucestershire, UK — I went to ballet classes in my rain boots and refused to take them off. I didn't care to point my toes and pirouette.
As an adult, I'm prone to being clumsy. I make a small mess eating lunch at my desk. I have little patience for games that require steady hand-eye coordination. I've thrown off the ratio of my dinnerware set, having broken a bowl and chipped more than one plate.
In short, I'm hardly duchess material.
So when presented with the opportunity to attend an etiquette class entitled "The Duchess Effect" — essentially, Kate Middleton 101 — I scoffed at the thought that a two-hour class could teach me to be as graceful as a royal. But as someone fascinated by the royal family, especially with the royal wedding coming up, I took the chance. And I learned far more than I expected.
Ahead of the class, which was held at The Plaza Hotel in New York City and had a "business casual" dress code, I made an effort to look the part.
I brushed off the one dress in my wardrobe that looked closest to something Meghan Markle might wear on a cheap day: an asymmetrical navy blue Topshop dress, paired with some heeled Marc Fisher sandals. Later, I learned that I'd made a mistake choosing open-toe shoes— A duchess wouldn't be caught dead in them unless it was a formal evening event. Of course, if I could afford a pair of suede Gianvito Rossi heels, I would have reached for them.
For makeup and nails, I went for simple: a subtle blush, light lipstick, and the queen's preferred polish shade, Essie's "Ballet Slippers." I wanted to look like a duchess but not like I was trying too hard: the "dare to break royal protocol" vibe that Markle wears so well. So when it came to hair, I went with her famous casual bun.
Unfortunately, all of this preparation couldn't save me from the failings of the Metropolitan Transportation Authority, and I wound up sweating in my Meghan Markle dress on the subway platform while I waited for a train that wouldn't arrive. Reasoning that a princess doesn't do the subway anyway, I tried to get a cab but at rush hour it was impossible to get a New York City taxi driver to stop, even for a duchess-in-training.
I gave up, and jogged to another subway station, where my carriage (a train!) was finally waiting.
I slipped into the class in the Palm Court 15 minutes late — not the best start — and joined a group at a table facing a tall woman in a pink blazer dress speaking to the room.
The woman in pink, Beaumont Etiquette's founder Myka Meier, was in the midst of talking about how to set a knife and fork on a plate correctly. (It turns out, if you're at a formal dinner party and still eating, your knife and fork should be set down, fork with prongs down, in a four-thirty position.) Meier, a dual American-British citizen who is originally from Florida, was trained by a former member of the Queen's household staff while living in the UK; after her own formal training, Meier began teaching etiquette to others. "The Duchess Effect" course, focused on royal British etiquette, has become increasingly popular as the world waits to watch a gorgeous American actress marry a handsome British prince.
I imagined the class might be a little like the etiquette scene of "The Princess Diaries" where Mia Thermopolis (Anne Hathaway) learns how to ballroom dance and do a "royal wave" at the behest of her grandmother (Julie Andrews), the queen of Genovia. The Beaumont Etiquette class wasn't quite like that — there was no ballroom dancing, or Julie Andrews judging me — but I did learn how to do what's called a "Windsor wave" among the other basics of royal British etiquette.
The class covered six topics: first impressions, handshakes and curtsies, body language, posture and development, British and American dining, and style.
Occasionally, Meier referred to a slideshow presentation filled with photos of Markle and Middleton demonstrating excellent etiquette — including before-and-after photos that showed how far Markle has come in her training.
In the dining portion of the class, I learned to hold a teacup with the saucer only when standing up, to stir tea from twelve to six (not clockwise or counterclockwise), and to sip a wine glass from the same point every time, so as to limit the transfer of lipstick to the glass. Meier challenged us to drink our wine from the same spot throughout the class, but the deeper I got into my pinot noir the more it slipped my mind. By the end my glass had accumulated an unsightly cluster of lipstick marks, but at least they were confined to a small area. I wonder if Markle, who enjoys red wine as much as I do, ever has the same problem.
I also learned about dinner conversation, which was helpful in preparation for the next time I find myself at a state dinner. Although it was fascinating to learn how people in high society behave at dinners, the conversation topics sound rather dull. It's best not to delve into religion, politics, or anything too personal — and even stay away from that staple of small talk, the weather, since it's cliché. Meier suggested reading the news ahead of an event so you have talking points instead. Still, I wondered, once you'd gotten through those topics (provided they aren't about religion or politics) what would be left to talk about.
After learning the ins and outs of dinner, I learned some of the royal poses and moves, like curtsying (depending on your style, you can lean into your kneel like Middleton or go for a more subtle knee dip, like Markle) and how to sit with a "duchess slant."
A duchess slant is a good way to describe the demure way that Middleton and now Markle sit, with both legs slanted to the side, and sometimes one ankle discreetly crossed behind the other. As someone who usually has horrible posture, the duchess slant isn't a pose I'll likely get used to, but I tried my best to sit this way throughout the class.
Here's my interpretation of the pose.
And now, let the professionals show you how it's done.
In addition to sitting, I've been getting out of cars the wrong way my entire life. While Will and Harry can simply place one foot out of a car followed by the other, Middleton and Markle maintain their composure by holding their skirt, pivoting in their seat, and springing out of the vehicle. (If you're in pants, though, you can exit a car like Will and Harry.) Meier christened this car move a "swivel and pop," inspired by Elle Woods' foolproof "bend and snap" in "Legally Blonde" — a maneuver that never fails to pick up men.
Full disclosure, Meier said she made up this expression, as well as the duchess slant and Windsor wave, so they're easy to remember: Markle and Middleton likely don't use these expressions themselves. But , now that I've learned them, I can't stop noticing them in photos of the royals.
Another notable gesture is the Windsor wave. This, I found the easiest to master. You simply raise your hand, keep your elbow up, fingers together, and wave. A smile helps, too.
As you can see, Middleton had perfected the practice by her wedding day.
Markle has also learned to do the Windsor wave.
In less formal settings, though, she may go for a more relaxed wave.
While these gestures may seem small, they are just some of the many codes of polite conduct that Middleton and Markle must follow every day.
The etiquette class taught me that acting like a duchess is a lot harder than these elegant, seemingly perfect women make it look. But the class also reminded me that practicing good etiquette is an act. That's not a bad thing, though.
For my job, I spend a lot of time editing stories about the royals, specifically about Middleton and Markle. I often think about the appeal these women have, the powerful yet quiet hold they have over the public. Their appeal extends far beyond their gorgeous looks. It's about the way they carry themselves. Their grace, and composure. Their impeccable manners.
These are women who smile under the glare of cameras and give a Windsor wave to crowds at times when they probably don't feel like it. Middleton had a baby, and then emerged from the hospital hours later in a crisp Jenny Packham dress to smile and wave at crowds while holding Prince Louis. Markle has had every facet of her life talked about in the lead-up to the wedding, and the ways she fits and does not fit into the royal family picked apart.
Except for those close to them, no one will get to know the real Middleton and Markle behind their shiny duchess veneer. But learning some of what they have learned has taught me something about them. It felt like a shared experience, one that Middleton has learned and passed with flying colors, and that Markle is still learning.
As Meier put it, etiquette is all about presenting yourself with respect. Those words stuck with me, and I left the class with a renewed respect for Middleton and Markle.
While a two-hour class does not a duchess make, I learned some valuable tips that made me feel more sophisticated and put-together. I likely won't stop being clumsy or getting flustered when the subway is late, but I will remember to breathe for a moment and think, "What would a duchess do?" The answer would probably be something polite.
Find out more about Beaumont Etiquette's course offerings on its website.
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SEE ALSO: 5 etiquette rules Meghan Markle has to follow as an American joining the royal family
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